This has been such a roller coaster year, with a wonderful high of my daughter’s wedding to the deep low of the loss of Jim’s mother. In between I very nearly lost my own mother and by some miracle she was able to be present at her granddaughter’s wedding. We travelled this year for specific reasons: first an urgent trip to Ottawa to see my mother for what I thought would be the last time, and to come home and turn around and leave for a memorial for Jim’s mother in Connecticut. Then in late August, back to Ottawa for a truly lovely wedding.
Being such a busy year with sudden changes – not just at home but a work too – there just wasn’t the time to do everything I had planned. I started sketching out the illustrations for my Troll of Barondale story but am nowhere near finished; I have the canvases for 3 paintings I’ve been planning to do and they still aren’t sketched out; I got as far as the title of a chapter for Nanowrimo which of course meant that the book I was going to finish wasn’t; the pallet garden swing didn’t even have the pallets moved from the wall they are leaning against. I’ll stop now before I get sad thinking about it.
I did start, and then stop for a bit doing the elliptical but I’ll be back on it again in the new year. Our dog had a torn leg tendon and sore hips that had us worried we were going to lose him at age 9; instead we found a good new vet and began walking him 15 minutes a day. Between walks, fish oil and glucosamine he’s almost his regular self.
So what did I learn this year? Well, that after 15 years I felt the need to once again defend the legal reasons for using my own name which quite frankly burns my butt that I have ever had to do that at all. I think I’m tired of fighting over stuff that shouldn’t even be questioned. I still wonder whether it was wise going back to work, my soul sings when I write and paint and do my thing; I find myself spinning my wheels knowing I have things to offer but not quite fitting the bill so where am I more valuable? I wish I had the luxury of answering that honestly; I have bills to pay and food to put on the table. So for now I tread water holding my breath, waiting for who knows what.
The good news: daughter’s wedding of course! Son’s grade 12 diploma. Jim and I got a family doctor, and tests show that I am a low risk of heart disease. Good to know. Seeing my mom again after 3 years of no time and money to travel back to Ottawa and even though she lives in shadows mentally, brief minutes of lovely clarity brought her back to me.
Where do we go from here? For now, our little deer visited home in the outskirts of Fredericton is our place. I am basically thankful 2016 wasn’t worse than it was for us – it’s been such a bad year for so many people. I look forward to continuing things I put aside and I hope finally moving forward on new works.
What I have to say now to everyone is: believe in yourself, treat others with respect and kindness, do something that matters, show heart in what you do. We the human race need to face up to the fact that we cannot continue living our existence in division and hate. There has to be room in everyone’s heart for acceptance and understanding even if you personally don’t like someone’s viewpoint or lifestyle please look past that to the person underneath. If we continue on the path of hatred that is being spewed our world in serious trouble. Most of all, please have compassion for others, it’s what the world needs most.
À la prochaine,